Title: THE MASKED GIRL
(2006)
Format: DVD
As far as I can tell, this is the pilot for a phenomenally bad TV show. Don’t take my word for it — here’s the description from the back of the DVD, verbatim:
“Brilliant sporty girls strangely vanished… In fact, they became captives of a horror organization: The Clown. In o rder (sic) to conquer the whole world, The Clown transformed all the captived girls into monster killers… Sports genius Eunice, was transformed into a killer girl. Although her best friend Anne was a sports idiot, she was transformed into super girl because of a mistake. Fortunately, Anne was able to escape before being “Brain Washed” by The Clown. Now and then, Anne becomes a Masked Girl who bear the responsibility to fight against The Clown’s monster killers. Serial fightings are inevitable!”
Let’s break this down, shall we? First of all, we could all use some “brilliant sporty girls”, so it makes sense that someone would go out of their way to grab as many as possible. Everywhere else this phenomenon is called “high school”; but in this world it’s an evil organization called “The Clown”, because SPECTRE, HYDRA, COBRA and the EVIL LEAGUE OF EVIL were all taken. Of course, the most logical way to conquer the world is to give cheerleaders superpowers (in the same way that the Marvel Universe and your favorite porn film make sense), so bad guys kidnap girls off the street to be overhauled into an elite force that we never do get to see. We know that the bad guys are bad because A) they wear suits! B) they wear dark glasses! C) they drive big shiny black cars! At some point they ditch the suits in favor of poorly-fitting ninja costumes left over from iParty. They also start mumbling amongst themselves like the Ninjas Who Say “Ni”. Who else is better equipped for world domination?
Yes, there is a Japanese girl named Eunice, but she is a “sports genius” in the same way that the filmmakers here are “visionaries”. Anne is indeed a “sports idiot” — ‘nuff said. Somehow, the story brings us to the point where Anne must dress as Judge Dreddette (really — give me a more accurate description!) to take on a manga version of Warduke from the Dungeons & Dragons cartoon. There is kicking! Punching! Threatening! Schoolgirl dresses twirling ever so high in the heat of battle! And finally, stuff done gets blowed up good!
This could have been called “How To Get Yourself An Interesting Life And Superpowers Without Really Trying”. Anne is just walking down the street one day, when — boom! Suddenly, she has powers! So does her best friend! The teacher she really likes now wants to hang out with her and smiles when she looks at him! Ridiculous, true — but fun. This is the kind of silly stuff you watch with a few friends and a bottle or two. And at a mere 45 minutes, it lasts just long enough to enjoy without taking up your whole evening. Serial fightings are inevitable!
THE MASKED GIRL is available from our fine friends at Another Heaven.
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