Hey kinds, let’s remake another classic! Never mind that the subtext is irrelevant. Never mind that the original characters were stereotypes. Never mind that Michael Rennie was both warm and chilling in his portrayal of Klaatu.
We used to have a game here at SCIFICO. We would sit around in moments of relaxation/despair/angst and play IF We Could Recast That Movie with Today’s Talent. The game usually ended up with someone (me) throwing Cheetos and Mr.K swearing at me. Illustrator X usually just sat and watched in disgust, sketching lewd pic’s of She-Hulk.
So today we are going to, play based on who is actually in the movie. Ready?
Klaatu Matrixboy Keanu Reeves
Helen Former HULK lover Jennifer Connelly
Not really Patricia Neal. Her soft innocence was so beautiful to watch.
Gort some cutsie robot/guy or cgi invention
Little boy Jaden Smith, oh so heart wrenching in The Pursuit of Happyness.
And a bunch of other people. I would have had to sniff and smoke K’s sneakers to come up with this cast. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
First of all If I have one more Brooding Keanu film, I think I am gonna puke. Give him something to do, not just stand and posture. He might want to act, so let him do it. This is not the right vehicle. We have watched his films sink lower and lower. Who can forget The Lake House? I can.
How did Jennifer Connelly get attached to this project? Sure, there was The Hulk, but there was also The House Of Sand and Fog, Blood Diamond and Dark Water. Contractual obligation, perhaps?
I could bitch for pages and pages about the cast and what they bring to the table for this project, but that begs the real question; WHY? Hollyweed keeps making the same fundamental mistake over and over. Hey, let’s remake THIS film. At some point soon this has to stop or we will end up with “The Dukes of Hazzard Meet the Jetsons Movie” starring Jessica Simpson and John C Reilly as Jane and George Jetson with Nicky Hilton as Daisy Duke and Scha Baron Cohen playing both of the Duke Brothers.
This is Dome saying, Pray no one from Hollyweed reads this blog or we are all doomed
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