{"id":8479,"date":"2016-12-29T11:10:35","date_gmt":"2016-12-29T16:10:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/scifisaturdaynight.com\/?p=8479"},"modified":"2016-12-29T11:10:35","modified_gmt":"2016-12-29T16:10:35","slug":"the-writers-block-presents-john-valeri","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/scifisaturdaynight.com\/?p=8479","title":{"rendered":"The Writer’s Block Presents: John Valeri"},"content":{"rendered":"

This month, author John Valeri gives us insight into pursuing that special someone, with hilarious results . . .<\/em><\/p>\n

The Woman of my Screams<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

By John B. Valeri<\/strong><\/p>\n

My wife and I have an agreement. Should the opportunity to get biblical with Neve Campbell arise, I\u2019d get \u201ca pass.\u201d<\/p>\n

Admittedly, this is not very likely to happen, but hope is a powerful thing. And, just so you know, I\u2019m not some hypocritical chauvinist\u2014the same deal stands for her and David Boreanaz. (Feel free to insert a Bones<\/em> joke here\u2014though her crush actually stems from his role on Buffy the Vampire Slayer<\/em>.)<\/p>\n

My infatuation began on New Year\u2019s Eve 1997\u2014the night I finally conquered my crippling fear of scary movies by watching Scream<\/em> alone in the dark. Neve Campbell as Sidney Prescott, the franchise\u2019s perpetually traumatized \u201cfinal girl,\u201d was a revelation. How can I explain it? There\u2019s just something undeniably sexy about a woman who can be strong and vulnerable at the same time\u2014and if you\u2019ve ever seen Neve\u2019s eyes well up with tears without them ever spilling over, you know exactly what I mean.<\/p>\n

By the time Scream 3<\/em> came out in 2000, I was pretty much convinced that we were meant to be together. To give you some idea of the vividness of my imagination, I still recall an assignment for my high school journalism class: writing my own obituary. I envisioned my death as a cardiac catastrophe in a trailer on the set of the umpteenth\u00a0Scream<\/em>\u00a0sequel, where Neve and I were in the throes of\u00a0.\u00a0.\u00a0.\u00a0well, let\u2019s just say it wasn\u2019t rehearsal. Ah, puberty.<\/p>\n

A series of events too lengthy to recount here led me to Hollywood in the spring of 2011 for the red carpet premiere of Scream 4<\/em> at the world-famous Chinese Theatre. I braved a cross-country flight, a skeevy hotel, and dinner at In-N-Out Burger to share the same airspace as Neve, if only for a few hours. Seeing a film in the presence of its cast was a surreal experience, and one that left me intoxicated with incredulity at my own good luck. I even ran into Courteney Cox after the screening and managed to snag a picture with her as she was rushing out to do press. But Neve eluded me.<\/p>\n

Undeterred, I huffed it a mile to The Redbury Hotel on foot, where the after-party was being held. The place was swarming with celebs\u2014including Emma Roberts and Hayden Panettiere, both so skinny that you want to plug a protein drip straight into their veins\u2014and I pretty much went mute with anxiety and awe. (Have I mentioned that this occurred during my socially awkward phase? You know the one: ages seven to thirty.) It\u2019s easy to become a wallflower, and I still cringe knowing that I probably looked as out of place as I felt.<\/p>\n

After spending the better part of two hours squirming my way through a claustrophobia-inducing crowd, I decided to take one last lap around the upstairs lounge before calling it quits. (It was nearing midnight, and I had an early morning plane to catch.) And then, as if by divine intervention, I spotted Neve Campbell sitting nonchalantly on a couch chatting with friends, almost as if she\u2019d been there waiting for me. Not wanting to appear rude, I did what I thought any casual fan would do: I propped myself up against the nearest wall and stared unabashedly, just waiting for an appropriate moment to interject.<\/p>\n

That moment never happened.<\/p>\n

What did happen was that Jamie Kennedy (who played ill-fated movie nerd Randy in\u00a0Scream 1 <\/em>through 3<\/em>) stopped over to say hello to his former costar. We\u2019d met earlier in the evening, so I felt emboldened to insinuate myself into their little reunion and ask for a photo. Which was cause for yet another awkward moment. You see, Jamie thought that I wanted a picture of him<\/em> and Neve\u2014but what I really wanted was a picture of\u00a0me<\/em>\u00a0and Neve. After I articulated this, he graciously relinquished his spot while somebody else snapped the photo for which I had traveled all the way to Hollywood.<\/p>\n

Finally, after hailing a taxi back to my hotel, I dared to check my camera and was met with yet another indignity: Mr. Freakin\u2019 Potato Head staring back at me. Only he was me.<\/p>\n

Oh, the horror of it all\u00a0.\u00a0.\u00a0.<\/p>\n

\"valeri-and-campbell\"<\/p>\n

*Note:<\/strong> I met Neve again in the summer of 2015\u2014and paid a professional photographer to capture the moment on film. The amount was obscene. It was worth it.<\/p>\n

\n

John Valeri is a journalist and fiction writer. He wrote the Hartford Books Examiner<\/em> for almost a decade, during which it consistently ranked in the top ten percent of all Hartford, national books, and national arts & entertainment Examiners<\/em>. His short stories \u201cJust Cause\u201d and \u201cBlood Relations\u201d were recently published in Tricks and Treats: A Collection of Spooky Stories by Connecticut Authors<\/em>. He makes his online home at www.johnbvaleri.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n

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