{"id":6051,"date":"2012-05-31T09:00:20","date_gmt":"2012-05-31T13:00:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.scifisaturdaynight.com\/?p=6051"},"modified":"2012-05-29T12:27:05","modified_gmt":"2012-05-29T16:27:05","slug":"dark-shadows-it-just-doesnt-go-all-the-way","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/scifisaturdaynight.com\/?p=6051","title":{"rendered":"Dark Shadows: It Just Doesn’t Go All the Way"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Dark Shadows<\/p><\/div>\n

Two of our intrepid hosts went to see <\/em>Dark Shadows<\/a>, and (of course) had opposing views of the movie. We’re putting up both reviews and readers can decide for themselves who has the most convincing argument.<\/em><\/p>\n

I start this by saying I have seen EVERY SINGLE EPISODE of the original \u201cDark Shadows\u201d television show \u2013 all 1,228 of them. Many of them I have seen at least twice, because after spending a big part of my VERY early childhood running home from school to watch this ABC soap opera (and it probably started my love of the vampire genre), Illustrator X and I watched them all in order on SyFy\u00a0when they brought it back a few years ago. So I heard the news of a \u201cDark Shadows\u201d movie (aside from \u201cHouse of Dark Shadows\u201d and \u201cNight of Dark Shadows\u201d) and approached it with trepidation. But, I thought, it\u2019s Tim Burton, I\u2019m a fan of Tim Burton (most of the time); it\u2019s Johnny Depp, I love Johnny Depp (in anything), maybe it will be good! Unfortunately, Dome and I recently saw Mr. Burton\u2019s remake and\u2026well, keep reading.<\/p>\n

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PROS:<\/p>\n

I like the soundtrack. As we\u2019ve mentioned on the show, the only host older than me is Dome (thanks Kriana) and this was music I could get into. I also greatly appreciated the scraps from the original series that Mr. Burton threw at us fans \u2013 Widow’s Peak and the Atlantic crashing against the rocks are shots that seem to be taken right from either the show or the movies; the haunting original theme bleeds periodically through Danny Elfman\u2019s score; and the Blue Whale bar makes and appearance. And thank you Mr. Burton, from the fans, for letting us get our last glimpse of the original Barnabas Collins, Jonathan Frid\u00a0(attending \u201ca happening\u201d at Collinswood) after his very recent death, along with the original Victoria Winters, Quentin Collins, and Angelique.<\/p>\n

I actually thought Helena Bonham Carter did a great send up of Grayson Hall\u2019s Dr. Julia Hoffman, and Alice Cooper kicked ass (but then, I always think Alice Cooper kicks ass). I thought the special effects were good and yes, I spotted the perfunctory Burton showing of a Sandworm.Yes, I want to live in Collinswood. I did then, and I want to now \u2013 more than ever.<\/p>\n

CONS:<\/p>\n

This script needed a re-write. Plain and simple. It seems Mr. Burton couldn\u2019t decide if he wanted this to be a comedy or homage.\u00a0 If it’s a comedy, it wasn\u2019t funny enough. If it’s an homage, it didn\u2019t give us enough of the original soap opera angst. Johnny was not Barnabas. He was an amalgamation of Max Schrek\u2019s Nosferatu and the greasier\u00a0parts of Bela Lugosi. While I thought Michelle Pfeiffer\u00a0was passable as Elizabeth Stoddard, she was WAY too accepting of new \u201ccousin\u201d Barnabas. Jackie Earl Haley was completely wasted in this film. And I really did not like Chloe Grace Moretz\u2019s Carolyn Stoddard.<\/p>\n

Did they have to mesh Maggie Evans and Victoria Winters? Because it didn\u2019t work. Where was Quentin Collins? Where were the perfunctory s\u00e9ance scenes? Why was David Collins nice? (Sorry, I\u2019m really writing for the fans with that one) Johnny Lee Miller was a HORRIBLE Roger Collins \u2013 he didn\u2019t drink NEARLY enough (Editor’s Note: Don’t drink and drive, kids!<\/em>). And Angelique \u2013 in the original, one thing fans loved was hearing the ABSOLUTELY EVIL laugh of Lara Parker\u2019s Angelique the Witch. When Angelique laughed, you knew you were in for some great scene munching in the next few minutes. Eva Green\u2019s Angelique DIDN\u2019T LAUGH ONCE! How difficult is it to come up with a crazy, evil laugh???\u00a0 And did we really need the Buffy\/Spike lust fest reenactment between Angelique and Barnabas? It wasn\u2019t funny, in fact, it was rather awkward.<\/p>\n

Overall, at the end, the Dark Shadows remake just left the Dead Redhead feeling\u2026blah. If it was going to be a comedy, then make it over the top! I know Mr. Burton used to\u00a0able to do that–look at Beetlejuice! Look at Ed Wood!\u00a0If it\u2019s an homage, MAKE IT OVER THE TOP, much like the original show! That’s one of the reasons I loved the original! Instead, it\u2019s more of a mediocre send up with lots of pretty props and a few scraps thrown to the hardcore fans. Sorry Messrs. Burton and Depp, I\u2019ll pass until your next venture.<\/p>\n

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