This was going to be the summer to end all summers. Spider-Man 3! Transformers! New Dr. Who! World War Hulk! I feared for my life, as my weak heart threatened to crap out before I’d spent my last dollar on summer fare. As it turned out, I had nothing to worry about, except losing that last dollar to the Hollywood hype machine. Let me explain…
SPIDER-MAN 3: You know you’re in trouble when you kick off the season with a Sam Raimi film that makes you think how much better Ghost Rider was. This would’ve been a good film if they’d dropped the Venom storyline; yeah, he’s a better villain than the Sandman, but so what? Raimi grew up with the 60’s Spidey comics, not the 90’s ones — he LIKED the Sandman, and gave his character all the pathos and humanity sorely lacking from Eddie Brock. Also, this is the third time we see MJ get kidnapped by the villain, see Spidey rush to the battle, take off his mask so the villain can see him, but conveniently put it back on before anyone thinks to point a camera at them; oh, and kill the villain. This DVD will sit on the shelves a loooong time come Christmas.
TRANSFORMERS: That’s not Megatron. Megatron is a GUN, not a plane, and certainly not that robo-ogre that sounds nothing like Hugo Weaving, so why bother hiring him in the first place? Bring back Frank Welker at a fraction of the cost; and if you have any problems about a character turning into a gun; then this is not the franchise for you. Go watch Runaway Bride again, and don’t forget to pick up a banana and a jar of Vaseline on your way home.
DR. WHO: This summer brings us the first truly awful story since the original series — Daleks in Manhattan. Horrible script; pathetic accents; and who in their right minds thought that interracial couples were so accepted in the early 1930s? I’d always heard about some strange concept called “racism” but according to this episode’s writer, such things just didn’t exist in Depression-era NYC.
Comics: Oh, please. Nothing really major… ah. My wife says she just finished watching a special on “rattlesnake whiskey”(???) and it’s made her hungry for Middle Eastern food. Gotta support your wife when she gets a “strange urge” — it makes it easier for her to accept your passions for Godzilla, Frank Zappa, and the intricacies of the Atari 2600. Next time, I’ll talk about the things I DID like this summer (a much shorter article, I promise) including Jekyll, and.. uh… that 5 minute segment of “Paris, Je T’Aime” with Frodo falling for a vampire. Really.
Illustrator X
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