Ten Things I Learned at Rifftrax:

1. I need to issue a formal apology to Kriana. She did not have really bad B.O. The guy behind me was just smoking the skunkiest weed in the history of the Earth. Seriously dude, it’s your life, but you should be aware that there’s pot out there that won’t make the people around you want to hurl into their popcorn buckets.

2. Do not use gasoline to dry clean clothes at home. Instead, pay professionals to do it!

3. How to make a fancy headdress out of grass. (The kind that grows on your lawn, not the kind you’re thinking of.)

4. These three guys are so funny that once they get going, you don’t miss the MST3K robots anymore. Well…maybe you do a little, but you’re no longer disappointed by their absence.

5. The robots aren’t real. This fact is disappointing.

6. People in the 70s made some messed up educational materials. We sat through a movie about things you can do with the grass growing in your yard. (Hence the fancy headdress.) The fact that the Rifftrax guys managed to make these things funny instead of claw-your-face-off boring is a tribute to their comedic mastery.

7. Pot smoke is distinguishable from cigarette smoke because it comes in several neon colors including green, pink, blue, and purple. Also because it will make you kill people and go crazy.

8. You can buy their stuff! In a fun and versatile digital format! And since it’s digital, it’s cheap! The shorts, at $0.99, are an especially good deal.

9. If you’re kicking yourself for missing last night’s show, there will be an encore showing on August 24th.

10. The next Rifftrax showing will be Thursday, Oct. 28th, and the movie will be House on Haunted Hill. This promises to be a rollicking good time, and you should go. But if you go in the Boston area, please leave your skunky weed at home. For us. Thanks.

This post is dedicated to Grandma Zombrarian, who decided to start reading the blog on the day I review a stoner movie. (At least it wasn’t a porno…)

Love you Grandma!

4 Responses to “Ten Things I Learned at Rifftrax:”

  1. I’ve been using gasoline for years to clean clothes. As a rule it works fine but you should stay away from that “weed guy” when “cleaning”. Just sayin’.

  2. Comment! You drunk freaks

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